I'm calling this phase of my life young adult, even though it may go up to my early 30's. My entire 20's were a young adulthood for me: ups and downs and trying to figure things out. Somewhere in the middle, playing music lost its appeal. I wasn't doing it for me anymore; it had become a job. Music isn't a job - a passion and a lifestyle - not a job.
Looking back, I feel like I was doing it for all the wrong reasons: approval and money. It doesn't get more wrong then that. Many people may be surprised at this but the only time I heard my mother say she was proud of me was when we were on stage. At a young age you take that in and you realize that's where you can get the love and approval of the one person you really need and want it from. Don't get me wrong, I’m a natural born drummer. That comes from a place down deep, not just following my mother's footsteps. Yet for me, music was so internal. It fed - and still feeds - my soul. When it wasn't doing that anymore I had to leave it - performing that is. Now I understand the passion, where it comes from, why it's there and how I need to express it. I think this website is showing a new musical path. The internal, feed my soul, path.
Mine All Mine by Van Halen // The Lyrics // The Video
I was a huge Van Halen fan, from the time I was 14 years old. Some people will consider this sacrilege, but I loved "VanHagar". I believe the band matured musically during that period. This song shows that growth, and also said what I had been feeling spiritually.
...not one thing I've tried filled me up inside or felt like mine...
That was me. At 21 years old, I had a bare bones spirituality - God and some kind of afterlife - that's it. There was nothing else that was defined for me. Honestly, I had been so disillusioned by the Catholic Church, I quit searching. Then I heard this song. That was it! That was what I wanted. Mine. Truth. Not 2000 years of rewritten crap that we don't even know where it originated. The truth. My truth. My quest began. Little did I know, it would take another 20 years to find it.
The more I look, my world keeps gettin' smaller
Staring at the sun, searchin' for the light
Almost ended up blind
Extreme: III Sides To Every Story // The Lyrics
// The Videos: Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3
// The Videos: Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3
This is a trilogy from the above album. Extreme outdid themselves on this album, all culminating in the finale. These songs hit me - hard. At 26 years old, my spiritual journey had officially stalled. This was a kick in the ass. It's hard for me to put into words the effect it had.
For one that dies, another's born, where laughter's heard comforters mourn
There's a time for everything
There's a time for everything
Please tell me if it's true, am I too old to start anew, cause that's what I want to do
I still had a long way to go, and sad to say, I stalled out again and again afterwards, but these songs define me in my mid to late twenties.
IN THE NIGHT by Triumph // The Lyrics // The Video
Triumph. I discovered them around 1987. This song... it hit me deeper than I could have ever realized at the time. I knew I felt the song: I got it.
So much pain, persecution, disillusion and despair
I think I need some consolation. I think I need someone to care
You tell yourself, don't be lonely don't be scared, and everything will be alright
But the darkness comes, and then you hear all those voices in the night
This isn't about lost love or anything like that for me. This is about feeling all alone in the world, being different and knowing you're different and no one else gets it.
